I know that everything happen with a reason. Even tho' sometimes.. I mean.. Some how.. It happen because of me who neglect all the advices.. all the "bebel" thing, from the person who love me the most in the world. What happen to me was caused by me and I know, I should stop blaming others and learn to forgive everybody so that I can live (InsyaALLAH) happily ever after, but how?
My darling faith,
I'm not a superwoman, neither fairy who can change her world like what she want. Sometimes I will cry for no reason.. And sometimes.. Suicide solution cross my mind. But damn! I can not do that. My brother said, we can not put all the problems at the same place. What we have to do just settle the problems one by one. After all effort, just tawakal. He said that, we are human.. We are, in certain point weak, but we are not a robot.
to be honest. I am tired with all this. Devastated and frustated are the best words to describe how mess my life are right now. But, I need to be strong. I hate to grow to be an adult and if.. I can change the time.. I just want to stay and remain as a small children. Its okey if my dad beat me everyday.. Its okey if my little brother pull my hair.. Its okey if my mum nagging.. Its okey if my sisters want all the clothes in my closet. Its better than destroy yourself within a year, and know all the useless people who always take for granted for your weaknesess.
And you know what faith,
I am afraid to face the reality, but I have to. I want to live happily because I know that I deserve too. I feel better now and I get my part time job starting next month.